out that he did not like her, but as a man of honor felt
compelled to marry her. But Wilson overlooks two things—one specific to
Mary Todd and the other to courting in the early 19th century. He forgets
that Mary Todd had first come to Springfield in 1837 (although he notes
it in an exculpatory footnote) at almost exactly the same time that Lincoln
had arrived from New Salem. She had then gone home to return a year later.
Hence their acquaintanceship was probably longer than he maintains. Furthermore
a courtship in which the lovers write those delightful Lost Townships
letters published in the Sangamon Journal is hardly a superficial
one in which the couple does not know each other.
These famous letters have been used in a variety of different
ways to infer a number of things about Lincoln and the duel he almost fought
with James Shields. Initially Lincoln had made fun of Shields, the Illinois
state auditor in a devastating satire published in the
Sangamon Journal.
Learning that Lincoln had written them, Shields challenged the chagrined
author to a duel which was only forestalled by last minute negotiations.
But Mary Todd had also written one of these letters, and for she and her
future husband they stand as an amusing public means for the reconciliation
of a private relationship. “I know he’s a fighting man. . . but isn’t marrying
better than fighting, although it tends to run into it.” In Mary’s final
effort written within weeks of her marriage, “Happy groom! In sadness far
distant from thee? The fair girls dream only of past times and glee.”
20
The second point is that we are imposing our 20th century
standards of courtship if we think that Mary Todd did not know Abraham
Lincoln very well. In the 19th century the public courtships of the early
periods were no longer observed by the community. Instead courting which
usually began with friendship had moved inside where outsiders were closed
out. The mid-l9th century was a transitional period in this process as
what had been a public affair became more private and sheltered, often
in the 20th century in the back seat of an automobile. The Lincoln courtship
occurred at an historical moment when some courting was out of the house
and very public, taking place during picnics, sleigh rides, and Springfield’s
dancing parties—all of which are mentioned by Mary Todd. But as often a
romance developed in walks down country lanes, on parlor sofas such as
the horsehair one in the Edwards’ home, and in the bower of trees surrounding
the house.
21 That
is why there were few sightings of Abraham and Mary in busy-body Springfield
before their marriage in the fall of 1842.
And many mid- 19th century courtships were briefer than those
of the 20th century. “Before marriage,” writes John Gillis, “young people
made and unmade relationships with bewildering rapidity, keeping open their
options for a much longer period than young people do today.” This was
a generation that did not know the meaning of going steady.
22
Surely the number and variety of both Mathilda Edwards’ and Mary Todd’s
beaux suggest different, less uniform courting arrangements than exist
in our times.
13
